


Breathe Easy

by quartermile



Category: Political Animals
Genre: Angst, Arguments, Cocaine Use, Dougie has a God complex, Drug Use, Gen, Mentions of alcohol, Mentions of drugs, TJ needs a hug, but we knew that anyway, that ever present fishbowl metaphor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-26
Updated: 2015-02-26
Packaged: 2018-03-15 07:46:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3439253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quartermile/pseuds/quartermile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nothing but angst really. No happy ending, but no sad one either. Basically one way I imagine our lovely Hammonds finding out about TJ doing cocaine. </p><p>This was meant completely as a standalone piece but I still haven't decided if it feels unfinished or not. If I decide it does, I'll probably revisit and add to it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breathe Easy

"Why are your eyes so red, Thomas? Have you been sleeping at night?" Elaine Hammond asks her son at dinner one night. 

"Yes, Mama," TJ answers with an exasperated sigh. He really doesn't want to get into a discussion right now. Everyone is getting together for dinner at Elaine and Margaret's house, so he doesn't want to be the topic of conversation. 

She frowns just slightly at his brush off. As a seasoned politician and mother, she knows when her oldest son is lying to her. And she knows he looks too pale, eyes too red, and too jittery for there to be nothing going on. 

Tj swallows down the feeling of panic that the simple question brought up. No he doesn't sleep much at night, cocaine doesn't really allow that. But he can't have her or anyone else in the family knowing. They already give him shit for his past with alcohol and weed. 

He wasn't addicted to those, he just used them to let loose sometimes, to relax when the air got too thick to breathe around his parents. 

He sees her watching him curiously, but he does his best to ignore it. Shriveling under her scrutinizing gaze will do him no good at trying to seem innocent. 

But it's far more difficult than it should be to not fidget. He can almost feel how red his eyes are from no sleep, and his skin is crawling. It's hard to keep still, he really should've done a line or two before coming to his mom's. It keeps him calm usually, and now when he thinks she's been getting more suspicious, he's on edge. 

He slips past Nana, dodging her line of sight so he can get out to the bathroom. He shuts the door behind him, pulling out the vial of cocaine Omar had given him. He taps out a small pile onto the dip between his index finger and thumb, placing the small tube on the counter. 

As he raises his hand up and inhales deeply, he feels two things simultaneously: the burning buzz of the fresh high, and horror because he suddenly realizes he forgot to lock the door. He realizes this because it suddenly clicks open and he jerks his hand down but it's too late. 

Doug walks in, startling as he realizes there's someone in the room. The surprise turns to confusion at TJ's reaction before his eyes settle almost immediately on the vial of white powder on the counter. 

Fuck. 

He snatches it up but Doug's hand flies out and yanks his wrist out, digging his fingertip into the middle of his wrist at the pressure point and giving a hard shake to make him drop it. 

"Dougie, I-"

"Is this _coke,_ TJ?" Doug demands. 

"Dougie," TJ starts, wiping the dust off his top lip, "please don't tell Mom and Da-"

"Don't tell our parents?" Doug asks, actually sounding almost hysterical, which TJ immediately feels bad about, "TJ, this isn't weed! I can't cover for you for this! And I won't! Come on." He commands, jerking at his wrist before dropping it. 

Despite the face that TJ is the older twin by three minutes, he follows Doug back into the kitchen, slumped behind him like a scolded child -which he will be in a few minutes. 

"Mom!" Doug exclaims, pushing TJ at a chair at the table, the end of it where Nana is on one side and Mom is on the other, " _Sit._ "

It's not a suggestion. He sits. 

"Douglas, what is going on?" Elaine asks, straightening up. She knows Doug doesn't pull out this routine just to play around. He means business. And TJ would never actually listen unless- well... She doesn't know anything that would make TJ listen to Douglas if he was seriously commanding him. 

"Why don't you tell her, TJ?" Doug says, practically seething now. TJ stays silent, staring at the table top. He knows it's bad, but maybe Dougie shouldn't be so mad. 

"TJ?" Nana prompts. 

"I found him in the bathroom," Doug says, and slams a hand down onto the table top, leaving the vial on the surface. There's a moment of silence. 

Elaine speaks first, "Thomas, is this _cocaine?_ " she asks incredulously, not quite sure if she believes what she's seeing. 

TJ stays quiet still. Honestly there is nothing he can say to improve this situation. He's busted. 

"Thomas James Hammond, you answer me right no-"

"Yes, mama. Yes," TJ interrupts, rubbing a hand over his face. 

"You little shit," he hears Nana mutter, but he can hear the emotion in her voice - the worry, the _disappointment_ which is what bites the deepest. Nana is his best friend and disappointing her is bad enough to make him want to do a few lines, as if that wasn't what got him here in the first place. 

He knows his mom is just staring at him, waiting for an explanation.

"Can we just eat now?" Is all TJ can think to say. 

"No, Thomas, we cannot just eat now!" Elaine exclaims, "You're going to tell me why you're doing cocaine! Do you know what this stuff does to you?"

"Yes I fucking know!" TJ yells suddenly, rage rolling over his skin like an explosion. He hates the feeling of failing again. He knows to them, that's all he ever does. But he tries, really he does. 

"TJ," Doug says harshly and TJ turns his head to pin him with a glare. 

"Wh _at?_ " he snarls. 

"Sit down," he demands. TJ hadn't even realized he'd stood up. 

Oh. That's not exactly good. An outburst isn't exactly helping his case right now. 

"Douglas," Nana says, stopping whatever Douglas' next command short, "TJ probably feels attacked. Stop. Calm down." 

"Mother I-"

"No. Elaine, you and Bud have turned your heads over and over at TJ's behavior. And paid attention only to attack him when he did something wrong. He doesn't only do drugs. The boy has been starving for his parents attention since before he hit puberty." 

"Are you seriously taking up for him, Mother?" Elaine asks. 

"Well someone has to, don't they?" Margaret says, "but I do agree that this is a stupid move for him. Idiotic, crazy, dumb-"

"I get it, Nana," TJ sighs. 

"I don't think that you do," Elaine says, pinching the bridge of her nose, "TJ. Whatever possessed you to do this? You know the press will just have a field day with this."

"That! That right there! I constantly have to live my life under a magnifying glass and it wasn't even my choice! I didn't choose this life! It was all decided for me and I don't want it! I can't deal with living in a fishbowl for all the country to watch and poke at. I'm not a fucking guppy! This isn't me. Living like this has ripped every shred of me from me. The only thing I have to cope is this! It's the only thing that helps me feel like I can breathe," TJ explains, growing emotional through his words, having snatched up the tube to hold it out, "do you really think I want to have to rely on a drug to feel okay?"

He can tell all three of them are itching to take the vial back from him. It's as if they think he'd open it up and pour the whole thing down his throat. He wouldn't do that anyway. He doesn't like the taste of it- far too bitter. That's why he snorts it, the you only sometimes get a taste of it then.

"Thomas, we didn't know you felt that way," Elaine says, that same calm tone she uses when talking to members of the House. 

"Yes you did," he spits through his teeth, "I'm always telling you guys I hate all of that pressure. And you try to hide all my failures so no one sees the embarrassment of a son you have so then I have to hide. I hate it. You know it but you don't care. All you and Dad are ever worried about is politics."

"TJ, that's a little harsh," Doug says.

"It's true." TJ snaps the word with a strong hint of finality. One that leaves the room ringing with silence for a few moments.

Douglas looks as if he's torn between considering TJ's words as truth and defending their parents against what TJ said. Elaine looks as if she's at a loss for words and is desperately reaching for some. Nana is looking at him with sympathy, maybe pity, and looking as if she wants to hug him. 

TJ abruptly decides he's had enough with this conversation. This dinner. This night. 

"Whatever. I'm leaving," he says with a sigh, "if the press gets wind of another of my mistakes and you need me to lay low for awhile to keep from embarrassing you, give me a ring." 

He gives a mock two fingered salute and walks out the front door, slamming it behind him. 

And if he'd managed to walk out with the vial still in his hand, well, maybe he can breathe easier for a little bit longer.

**Author's Note:**

> Just to be clear, he did not flick them off at the end. What I mean is a sort of lazy army salute. Kind if smartass in nature. 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr at [thewxntersxldier](http://thewxntersxldier.tumblr.com) Where I'll probably be crying over Bucky Barnes and/or TJ Hammond.


End file.
